hi, i'm heru gunawan.

and i should probably warn you:

i'm having what the french might call an existential crisis
and what my therapist would call "a bit concerning."

the sort where you wake up and think,
"have i been lying to everyone, or just to myself?"
(the answer, delightfully, is both.)

so naturally, i built a website about it.

it's not a portfolio—god, no.
not a blog. not a "digital garden."
more like a digital compost heap, really.

a place for technical guides no one asked for,
code snippets i'll forget i wrote,
and half-baked thoughts on books i've misunderstood
with the confidence of someone who definitely understood them.

essentially:
this is where i document my ongoing failure
to be a coherent human being.

by day,

i'm a frontend developer—
which is a polite way of saying
i copy-paste from stackoverflow and pretend i knew that all along.

i make buttons. i break buttons. i fix them. i break them again.

by night,

i read dostoevsky and feel smug,
contemplate the void,
and wonder if the void is also contemplating me
(it isn't—i'm not that interesting).

this site won't save you.
it probably won't even entertain you.
but if you're here—lost, bored, or avoiding real work—
welcome. you're in excellent company.

the tea's cold and the biscuits are stale, but do stay.